Not All Men, Somehow All Women
Opinion | Controversial Perspective
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Question:
Where do men get off thinking they get to decide what it means to be a woman? Where did the audacity originate? Because this isn’t a new phenomenon, it has been happening for twice as long as relevant history; it is considerably longer if you want to get into it. Somehow, they speak for us, decide what is and isn’t acceptable, and design gender role philosophies that nurture their lack of desire to grow. It wasn’t all that long ago that they tainted all that is feminism, so much so that internal misogyny still to this day is deeply embedded in our society. But, seriously, where did it start? What has been the point? Men like to say that it was for protection. Still, when you consider the existence of female Viking warriors [confirmed by genomics], the idea of needing men for anything outside breeding becomes less believable.
I don’t know. Maybe I am entirely off base — I would have been committed at best, in almost any Christian society, potentially stoned at worst. (And not in a good way, unfortunately.) I read too much, I argue too often, I’m stubborn to a fault, I have zero desire to have children — not that motherhood was made out to be a blessing in the environment of my youth, but the prospect never appealed to me. Nevermind my legitimate mental health issues. The list of reasons men have created to target free-thinking, independent women is laughable when you think about it. Imagine basing your identity on your ability to debase and demean anything challenging your conception and understanding of a Divine Masculine. Do you suppose it irritates them that science suggests that a thriving woman may be genetically and intellectually superior to a man of similar circumstance? Science has developed a male-donor-free reproduction option. They made the discovery about fifteen years ago, making headlines in 2007.
“Women have more power to affect the universe around them than men do.”
Confession Time!
The highly entertaining idea of men being so bothered by women who succeed and transcend their glass ceiling that they have to revert to juvenile bullying tactics. That’s not to say I was never all sorts of angry and bothered by their oblivion. Now, I can’t take them seriously. Imagine having an identity so fragile that the mere existence of an alternative perspective is earth-shattering. Every time I get online, I see another man baffled at the idea of women existing for any reason outside men’s consumption. It’s so bad that even the good guys are hardly worth the effort and energy that goes into rearranging a social calendar; the more solitary of us find less and less appeal in the dating pool altogether. The world of heterosexual men crumbles as they realize women are done wasting time to be their conquest, and of course, it even went viral.
Naturally, many men blame women. How 62% of men polled being undesirable is women’s fault is beyond me. What’s that old adage? If it walks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…
Do your shadow work.
Some random self-proclaimed “nice guy” might be reading this right now, bottom lip stuck out, and brows furrowed. “What about me?” he asks. If you’re phishing for accolades, you’re in the wrong place. The men that need to be validated for their bare minimum and baseless words are about a decade of lessons hard-learned too late for this party. Men’s sense of self is not the responsibility of the women they seek to date. It’s theirs. The psychological trauma and obstacles I endure daily take priority over men’s nefarious intentions and physical desires. Go to therapy, work on yourself — grow as a human being, and educate yourself beyond the mainstream media and news.
Self-talk matters. Yes, absolutely. However, it doesn’t stop there. With self-talk comes self-reflection, comes self-awareness. Healing isn’t a singular conversation where you finally realize you were wrong. Authentic healing comes from consistently choosing to hold yourself accountable for what is yours.
We are not here for you.
Iknow, I know. It’s so confusing. Because “what else is there” other than sex at the whim of a man, right? Funny, you should ask. Anything. There are books and live performances, extreme sports, philosophy, cooking classes, singles mixers, kickbacks, coffee dates — do you see where I’m going with this? Life is so much more than the shallow intentions of some id-driven ape with a white-washed education and more mouth than moxie. Single women are no longer upset they haven’t coupled up. We are agitated that our aspirations are brushed off as girlish fantasy, our dreams mocked, desires exploited. Internal misogyny has become so ingrained that even some of the most successful women struggle with moments of debilitating self-doubt when striving for [and achieving] more than our grandmothers ever could have dreamed.
If my time driving for rideshare taught me anything, it’s this: women are relieved when the person driving them home is a woman. Think about that. The idea of a man they do not know having access to where they live is so disturbing that their immediate reaction upon realizing their driver is also a woman is a sigh of relief. This is especially true after dark, of course. But I heard the same cleansing breath every shift, at least once, regardless of the hour.
Solitude doesn’t scare us; our sense of peace is finally affordable.
It is true that women once relied on men out of necessity. The less we as women depend on men, the more we realize that there often isn’t much to like about them. Many women who date men are more afraid of meeting new men than much else. A video posted by user Crimedramastalk on TikTok last year highlights five safety tips influenced by her time as a criminologist. Avoiding dating apps makes the list, of course. My own experience with dating apps is more than enough to deter me from meeting men, in general, at this point. I always hear about men being protectors, but I cannot say I have ever met one — however, I can confidently testify that I have met countless predators.
Interestingly, much of our social standard today was developed in Post-War American suburbs. And when you broaden that scope, you unveil one of the examples of why straight white men are public enemy number one. Histories are all but entirely erased by a society that can’t look itself in the mirror.
The bar is above the bare minimum.
Not that it ever really was, but dick isn’t enough anymore. Bare minimum effort is so far below the bar that it’s officially a prerequisite for conversation. At this point, some of us are so content within our own space that the idea of entertaining a man-child is the least appealing option. We’ve been working on ourselves, each remembering her inner Goddess. We’ve worked on healing ourselves and nurturing growth and prosperity, which has overwhelmingly been made possible by reducing toxic masculine influence and control. Women dating men have widely recognized the maternal role they’ve adopted in hetero-normative relationships. That awakening has shaped our collective perspective, and as a result, we demand more for ourselves.
If men want their needs met, they are now expected to meet women’s needs. In many cases, their reaction resembles an angsty teenage (suburban) anarchist. Lots of chest beating and whining, minimal problem-solving. Rest assured that men are, in fact, a product of their environment. Society, as designed by ill-informed [again, primarily white] men with inflated egos, has produced several generations of insufferable entitlement and poor leadership. As a social experiment, American society has failed miserably — but I digress.
Simple ≠ Easy
Unfortunately, while we are not responsible for trauma sustained at the hands of a society riddled with chaos and imbalance, we are responsible for repairing the damage it causes within. I know it’s unfair and thoroughly fucked. Maybe things would have been different if men of yesteryear learned to soothe their bruised egos with something other than genocide and slavery. Because that’s what the capitalist system is built on, isn’t it? Under-educated and culturally inept working-class drones, afraid of the world outside their own bubble. Which perpetuates the toxic cycles that hinder social progress.
If a man genuinely wants a partner, he is now required to put the work in to make himself a better version of himself. Women are no longer entertaining cowardice nor placating unresolved issues. Those lacking adequate emotional intelligence will be left where they stand. It’s nothing personal — well, it kind of is. Just because you fix yourself doesn’t mean that every woman you meet will be open to receiving you. Not everything is about you.
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